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Ein Italiener geht nach Malta

(must be read with italian accent)

One day Ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna piss on my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate. You sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch! Later I go to eat inna bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fock. I tell her, I wanna fock. She tell me, everyone wanna fock. I tell her you don‘t understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better no fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tell him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed, you sonna ms bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you!" I say piss on you, too you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.